Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
