yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
