is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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