would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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