There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
