from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
