I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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