Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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