i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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