can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
