Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
