Me too!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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