Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
