I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
