he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
