just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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