he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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