i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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