That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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