Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just high enough for therapy.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize