I feel great
I just peed on a car
if only i could text you this smell
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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