people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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