She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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