dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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