Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
