Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
