then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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