He had one of those small greek statue penises
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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