I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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