I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
