apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
