He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
