The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
two words...techno handjob
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
