so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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