So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
