Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
