I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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