Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I could fuck to npr.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
