And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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