College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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