I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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