Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
