Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize