Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
