Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
