I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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