Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
