i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
are you so shy because you have an std?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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