i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize