I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
