take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize