In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
