I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
