this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize