You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize