There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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