Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
