im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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