it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
