I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
