Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
