i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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