Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
