I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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